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Amanda Foster — Reviewed writer, former magazine editor
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How to Handle Stop Self Destructive Behaviors Step by Step

When stop self destructive behaviors leaves you confused, worried, or unsure what it means, a clear step-by-step approach can help you sort the signal from the stress. This guide explains how to understand the situation, reflect on what matters, choose a practical next step, and know when to ask for trusted support.

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Part 1

Identifying Your Self-Destructive Patterns

1

Define your tendencies.

Define your tendencies.
It is important to first identify the specific behaviors you engage in that you think are destructive to you before attempting to change them. Self-destructive behaviors can be anything that harms your physical self or your psyche. Compile a list of all of your self-defeating behaviors that you'd like to change.
  • It is important to first identify the specific behaviors you engage in that you think are destructive to you before attempting to change them.
  • Self-destructive behaviors can be anything that harms your physical self or your psyche.
  • Compile a list of all of your self-defeating behaviors that you'd like to change.
  • It is important to first identify the specific behaviors you engage in that you think are destructive to you before attempting to change them.
  • Self-destructive behaviors can be anything that harms your physical self or your psyche.
2

Understand why you engage in self-destructive behaviors.

Understand why you engage in self-destructive behaviors.
Some studies suggest that individuals may engage in self-injurious behaviors in order to distract themselves from painful thoughts or emotions.
  • Some studies suggest that individuals may engage in self-injurious behaviors in order to distract themselves from painful thoughts or emotions.
  • Some studies suggest that individuals may engage in self-injurious behaviors in order to distract themselves from painful thoughts or emotions.
  • Some studies suggest that individuals may engage in self-injurious behaviors in order to distract themselves from painful thoughts or emotions.
  • Some studies suggest that individuals may engage in self-injurious behaviors in order to distract themselves from painful thoughts or emotions.
  • Some studies suggest that individuals may engage in self-injurious behaviors in order to distract themselves from painful thoughts or emotions.
3

Track your behaviors.

Track your behaviors.
Keep a journal of when you engage in self-destructive actions. Identify the event, as well as your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors (whether self-destructive or not). Simply keep a log of any self-destructive behaviors you engage in and notice what patterns of events, thoughts, and feelings emerge.
  • Keep a journal of when you engage in self-destructive actions.
  • Identify the event, as well as your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors (whether self-destructive or not).
  • Simply keep a log of any self-destructive behaviors you engage in and notice what patterns of events, thoughts, and feelings emerge.
  • Keep a journal of when you engage in self-destructive actions.
  • Identify the event, as well as your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors (whether self-destructive or not).
Part 2

Modifying Your Mentality

1

Identify unhelpful thinking patterns.

Identify unhelpful thinking patterns.
Our thoughts tend to be linked to our feelings and behaviors. In order words, our perceptions of ourselves and the world dictate how we feel and act. These ideas are central to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a type of treatment that is commonly used to treat self-destructive behaviors.
  • Our thoughts tend to be linked to our feelings and behaviors.
  • In order words, our perceptions of ourselves and the world dictate how we feel and act.
  • These ideas are central to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a type of treatment that is commonly used to treat self-destructive behaviors.
  • Our thoughts tend to be linked to our feelings and behaviors.
  • In order words, our perceptions of ourselves and the world dictate how we feel and act.
2

Alter your self-destructive thoughts.

Alter your self-destructive thoughts.
If we change our thoughts, our feelings and behaviors will follow. Once you have a complete list of the thoughts, you can begin to challenge these thoughts when they come up.
  • If we change our thoughts, our feelings and behaviors will follow.
  • Once you have a complete list of the thoughts, you can begin to challenge these thoughts when they come up.
  • If we change our thoughts, our feelings and behaviors will follow.
  • Once you have a complete list of the thoughts, you can begin to challenge these thoughts when they come up.
  • If we change our thoughts, our feelings and behaviors will follow.
3

Practice, practice, practice.

Practice, practice, practice.
Once you identify your unhelpful thinking, and develop alternative thoughts, you need to practice changing these thoughts as they come up. Be aware of any negative emotion you have (anger, sadness, stress), and identify the thoughts you are having in the moment.
  • Once you identify your unhelpful thinking, and develop alternative thoughts, you need to practice changing these thoughts as they come up.
  • Be aware of any negative emotion you have (anger, sadness, stress), and identify the thoughts you are having in the moment.
  • Once you identify your unhelpful thinking, and develop alternative thoughts, you need to practice changing these thoughts as they come up.
  • Be aware of any negative emotion you have (anger, sadness, stress), and identify the thoughts you are having in the moment.
  • Once you identify your unhelpful thinking, and develop alternative thoughts, you need to practice changing these thoughts as they come up.
Part 3

Coping with Triggers to Self-Destructive Behaviors

1

Do some serious introspection

Do some serious introspection
. More than likely, there are triggers that precipitate your self-destructive patterns. Use the activities in the previous step to identify thoughts, feelings, and situations that trigger self-destructive tendencies. These will include not just your feelings, but the specific situations which seem to coincide with self-destructive behaviors.
  • More than likely, there are triggers that precipitate your self-destructive patterns.
  • Use the activities in the previous step to identify thoughts, feelings, and situations that trigger self-destructive tendencies.
  • These will include not just your feelings, but the specific situations which seem to coincide with self-destructive behaviors.
  • More than likely, there are triggers that precipitate your self-destructive patterns.
  • Use the activities in the previous step to identify thoughts, feelings, and situations that trigger self-destructive tendencies.
2

Make a list of your coping skills.

Make a list of your coping skills.
Is important to understand how to cope with these triggers (situations, emotions, and thoughts) to self-destructive behaviors. In addition to changing your specific thoughts, you can also actively change your self-destructive behavior or replace it with a new behavior that is more effective in helping you cope.
  • Is important to understand how to cope with these triggers (situations, emotions, and thoughts) to self-destructive behaviors.
  • In addition to changing your specific thoughts, you can also actively change your self-destructive behavior or replace it with a new behavior that is more effective in helping you cope.
  • Is important to understand how to cope with these triggers (situations, emotions, and thoughts) to self-destructive behaviors.
  • In addition to changing your specific thoughts, you can also actively change your self-destructive behavior or replace it with a new behavior that is more effective in helping you cope.
  • Is important to understand how to cope with these triggers (situations, emotions, and thoughts) to self-destructive behaviors.
3

Tolerate the emotion.

Tolerate the emotion.
Avoid trying to immediately escape an emotion. Focus on longer term healing instead of on instant gratification. Distress tolerance is about learning to deal with emotions instead of simply trying to avoid feeling them. Emotions are a natural part of life.
  • Avoid trying to immediately escape an emotion.
  • Focus on longer term healing instead of on instant gratification.
  • Distress tolerance is about learning to deal with emotions instead of simply trying to avoid feeling them.
  • Emotions are a natural part of life.
  • Avoid trying to immediately escape an emotion.
4

Take care of your health.

Take care of your health.
Sometimes stress can cause us to engage in unhealthy behaviors in order to cope such as: eating junk food, not exercising, and sleeping less.
  • Sometimes stress can cause us to engage in unhealthy behaviors in order to cope such as: eating junk food, not exercising, and sleeping less.
  • Sometimes stress can cause us to engage in unhealthy behaviors in order to cope such as: eating junk food, not exercising, and sleeping less.
  • Sometimes stress can cause us to engage in unhealthy behaviors in order to cope such as: eating junk food, not exercising, and sleeping less.
  • Sometimes stress can cause us to engage in unhealthy behaviors in order to cope such as: eating junk food, not exercising, and sleeping less.
  • Sometimes stress can cause us to engage in unhealthy behaviors in order to cope such as: eating junk food, not exercising, and sleeping less.
5

Engage in healthy relationships.

Engage in healthy relationships.
Insecure attachment in relationships is correlated with a higher degree of self-destructive behaviors. Social support is very important to the recovery process of self-destructive behaviors. Identify secure attachments you have with family, friends, and other relationships and cultivate these connections.
  • Insecure attachment in relationships is correlated with a higher degree of self-destructive behaviors.
  • Social support is very important to the recovery process of self-destructive behaviors.
  • Identify secure attachments you have with family, friends, and other relationships and cultivate these connections.
  • Insecure attachment in relationships is correlated with a higher degree of self-destructive behaviors.
  • Social support is very important to the recovery process of self-destructive behaviors.
6

Get help.

Get help.
If you engage in self-harm behaviors this could be associated with depression, anxiety, and aggressiveness. Furthermore, self-destructive behaviors can sometimes be linked to a history of abuse or trauma as well as substance use issues. Contact a psychologist or therapist.
  • If you engage in self-harm behaviors this could be associated with depression, anxiety, and aggressiveness.
  • Furthermore, self-destructive behaviors can sometimes be linked to a history of abuse or trauma as well as substance use issues.
  • Contact a psychologist or therapist.
  • If you engage in self-harm behaviors this could be associated with depression, anxiety, and aggressiveness.
  • Furthermore, self-destructive behaviors can sometimes be linked to a history of abuse or trauma as well as substance use issues.

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References

  1. The Gifts of Imperfection
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-self-destructive-behavior/201512/understanding-self-destructive-dysregulated-behaviors
  3. https://dash.harvard.edu/bitstream/handle/1/4134406/Nock_FormFunction.pdf
  4. https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/SituationLogsheet.pdf
  5. https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/5aspects.pdf
  6. https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/Change.pdf
  7. https://psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2016/05/the-7-steps-of-accepting-responsibility-for-wrongdoing
  8. https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/AutomaticThoughts.pdf
  9. https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral
  10. https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/UnhelpfulThinkingHabits.pdf
  11. https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/FindingAlternativeThoughts.pdf
  12. https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/ThoughtRecordSheet7.pdf
  13. https://www.mhanational.org/helpful-vs-harmful-ways-manage-emotions
  14. https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/-/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/Facing-Your-Feelings/Facing-Your-Feelings---01---Understanding-Distress-Intolerance.pdf
  15. https://mhanational.org/taking-good-care-yourself
  16. https://eqi.org/p1/abuse/vanderkolk_childhood_origins_of_self_destructive_behavior_1991.pdf
  17. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201812/what-does-a-healthy-relationship-look-like
  18. https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Common-with-Mental-Illness/Self-harm
  19. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22838-dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt
  20. https://www.div12.org/sites/default/files/WhatIsProblemSolvingTherapy.pdf

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